Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
