I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
