i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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