i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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