How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
