there's paper in my vomit.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
