I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
