You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
