People in love make me want to vomit
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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