Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
