she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you never un-have a 4some
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
