at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
