Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
