i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
