life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So squirting runs in the family.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
