Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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