I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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