Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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