Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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