i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
