ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
