Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
