Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
