Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
