Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
