I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I enjoy the company of your penis
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
