dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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