he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
