I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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