that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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