If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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