I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
