Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
