We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
