I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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