Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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