By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize