after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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