Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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