I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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