Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
