Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You're a waste of cheezeits
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
and you fell through a lawn chair
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
