This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
