I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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