OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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