Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
