She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need a beard to bite.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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