Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
