she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
