So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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