shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
