You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
