i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
