bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So many bounce houses so little time
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
