Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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