Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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