i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
