Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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