got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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