Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my sisters under your porch take her home
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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