I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
