Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize