he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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