I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
