from now on my penis is your penis
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
