grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
