Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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