all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
