If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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