Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
