first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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