I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
