i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
