I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
